Laughter in my Tears

I cried and laughed at the same time,
 tears not from deep hearty laughter but a wail mixed with laughter 
emanating from an inarticulate deep thought of whom I had become and
 all I had lost in the journey of becoming who I am now.
 How could I have missed out on what was mine? 
I was sure,
 very certain,
 I spoke about it, 
I saw the clear picture,
 a graphic illustration, 
the signs, 
I heard it and even bragged about it,
now it slipped right out of my hand. 
Now all I can see is a blurred picture through my tears. 
A picture that speaks to me,
 it says how can you have what was never yours?
 It says if it was yours, your hands would show it.
 The laughter through the tears, from hope of a future beyond my measure,
 a vision that can only be a dream of impossibility 
but I choose the laughter over the tears… I choose you.


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